just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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