who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
