i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She just used a chaser for red wine.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize