I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i barfeds in our rink
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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