im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Randomize
