theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
