Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
