Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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