My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
