hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
