There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
