I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
