very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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