Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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