If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
