She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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