I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
