from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
