i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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