I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
