just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
