Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
