you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
