it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
