I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
