i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
