Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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