I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
