Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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