I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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