Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
