I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
