everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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