woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
