Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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