Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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