ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
