I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
