this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
