I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
