I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
