do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
