He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
