Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize