evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
