i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
