I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
