My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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