ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
