So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
