dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
