never play flip cup with pint glasses
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
