i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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