my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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