Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
