I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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