I bet he comes in French.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
