there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
