didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
