the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
